The nurses at the hospital carry phones so that they are accessible at all times to patients and other health care workers. It's nice knowing what a patient needs before you go to the room.

Today I was taking the axillary (armpit) temperature of an infant, and he cried the whole time. I told him to "Quit being a baby", which got a laugh out of his parents. I also said, "You think this is bad, we used to take temperature a different way." That one killed. As someone who cares very much about comedic integrity, I am hesitant to recycle jokes, but I'm sure at some point in my career I'll use these again.